I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
