I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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