captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
