I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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