I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize