The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
