To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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