definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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