your parents love me but you hate me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
