so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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