Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
