@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
