the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Congratulations! We have a period
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