Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
