shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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