i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
