I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
