The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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