I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
