He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
