after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
