I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
