I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
