So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
