So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
