YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
