my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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