I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
MIDGETS
????
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
