At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
