oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
