I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
