Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
