Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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