He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
