LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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