The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
