Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
