My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
