I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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