Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
