Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
