its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize