it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
