Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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