My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
