Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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