very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
