cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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