How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
