Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
