I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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