I skipped work to stalk him.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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