His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
