If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
