i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
