This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
