He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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