Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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