peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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