he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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