Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
