he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
