Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
