he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize