Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
