Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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