i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
50% drunk capacity currently
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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